Yes, those are two of my crazy friends, Johnny and Jessica, and in front of each of them, the Stellanator, which around these parts is famous for being nearly impossible to conquer.
This summer, Johnny and Jess decided to, on the same night, try to each tackle a Stellanator. For the uninitiated, the Stellanator Challenge exists at Stella’s Bar and Grill in Bellevue, Neb. As you can see, it’s a monstrous sandwich: six hamburger patties, six fried eggs, a dozen pieces of bacon, six slices of cheese, fried onions, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, jalapenos and peanut butter. And a side of fries. Our contenders needed to take down all of it in a mere 45 minutes. Fewer than a dozen people have ever finished it.
Johnny and Jess trained for the challenge, and a bunch of our friends showed up to lend moral support, eat normal sized burgers and see if either of them could do it.
Before they began, they each signed their lives away.
The monster burgers arrive! And the clock started ticking.
Matthew kindly fanned Johnny with a paper plate.
Paul wins the best husband of the year award after cooling off his wife’s neck with a wet washcloth.
When they say there’s peanut butter on the Stellanator, they’re not joking.
After 45 minutes of what I’d pretty generously call torture, niether of our contenders finished their burgers. Johnny made it through all the patties. Jess made it through all the fries, all the bacon and all the eggs. Nobody lost their dinner. Jess even managed to smile! In front of each of them is what remained.
So would they do it again? Jessica said no. But Johnny remains convinced that he can take the Stellanator down, and promises the sandwich a rematch.
The night of the food gun didn’t end at Stella’s. Tomorrow I’ll tell you what happens in part two. The story involves this guy in an orange jumpsuit and shades, who may look familiar.
